May 21, 2005
Love You or Shut Up!
So I was on nappturality.com and stumbled upon one of those threads rehashing that age old question of whether every nappy sista is truly comfortable with her naps. I think we all know the deal. We know that there are chicks that hope and wish and pray that they will have the Kelis curls hiding up under the perm, and when they don't get it, there's this insane need to either go into hiding up under braids and weaves or fake the funk with all kinds of goop. I say fake because there are gals whose curls come naturally and those that know damn well if they ain't mold and shellac them thangs into place they wouldn't be there.
These discussions inevitably deteriorate into accusations and defensive statements. "Oh I'm not like that!" or "My curls are naps too!" or "The curlies think they're better." or "The nappies are just jealous." When really it works both ways. There are some ultra nappies that would pay money for the all hallowed silken curls. And there are some wavy hair chicks that would love to get their hair to stand on end into a big A. Davis fro. Which leads me to believe that the bottom line is acceptance. If you're not feeling yourself, then it doesn't matter what you have, you're going to be one unhappy heffa.
Note to self: Resume old habit of not putting in two cents at nappturality.com. I forgot a) how much I'm not really feeling the majority of black women; b) how long-time naturals seem to feel as if they've gained some sort of god-like wisdom that affords them the right to pass judgment; and c) you aren't really allowed to make observations because you will judged as having issues that you are projecting. Lawwwwd. LOL. Let me not get caught up.
What these chicks waste time arguing about is what I love about black people. I love that this mixed chick's hair might be straight up nappy, whereas this chocolate brown sista over there has ringlets that bounce and behave. And then you got someone like me who has errrrthing going on. Why don't we ever pause for a minute and be like, we black people are the shit? Who else's hair does what our hair does? Our naps are what differentiate us the most, but all too often we do everything but celebrate this fact.
When I first chopped I struggled with product junkyism, not so much because I was pining for curl definition (I actually thought I had 4b hair, which has no curl pattern), but because I was trying to find that certain set of products that would make my naps look like they weren't in a complete state of shock. Which they were...I'd just chopped off 18 years worth of perms. Over time, I found out less is really more, and my hair is probably the happiest and healthiest it's been since I was a lil gal.
When I go out in public, I get compliments every time. It surprised me at first, because my hair is certifiably nappy and I usually try to make it look wild as hell when I'm out. After a little retrospection, I've decided they compliment me because a) my naps are on POINT and b) I carry myself like a person who knows their naps are BAD, hear me? At this point, you can't tell me shit. Couldn't nobody say some mess to me like, "that's why yo hair is nappy." Ok, and?! That's exactly what I'm going for, shawty!
Don't get me wrong. I sometimes miss my straight hair and my braids and my weaves, because hell, I was cute with those things going on also. And I still reserve the right to throw a ponytail up in my head any day, because I love variety. But the comfort and ease and beauty of my naps has spoiled me to the point where thoughts of change are fleeting notions that tend to dissipate when I look in the mirror. When my hair does things like this:
I ain't eeeeven tryin to cover that up! Shoot.
A sista on the hair board said she wished she could bottle up self-love and give it out to those that need it, because nothing on this earth compares to true self-love. I agree.
Posted by Lisa at May 21, 2005 04:06 PMok!
Posted by: pear at May 22, 2005 01:10 AM Up until today, I have been discreetly browsing this site. Howvevr,when I saw this, I just had to comment. Even though it's been 9 months since I had a relaxer, and 4 months since the big chop, I just completed my transition 2 months ago. Let me explain...Up until 2 months ago, I was one of those women you're talking about. Don't get me wrong, I loved the texture of my hair, but it was a huge shock wearing it short. When I got the big chop, I wore it for a week and put some two stranded extentions in my hair. It was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Even though it wasn't real, I had my "security blanket" back! About a week into that style, I begun a mental transition. I soon realized how stupid it was to go through the trouble of growing my relaxer out just to turn around and add more hair. And why? To look like everyone eles and be "accepted". I began to feel like a complete phony and hypocrite. I'm always preaching "it's alot less expensive to love yourself the way you are", but here I was adding fake hair because I let a few people project their insecurities on me.
On my birthday, I took the weave out and have been rocking a 'fro since, and it's been wonderful! I walk with my head held high and keep a huge grin on my face. My natural sisters greet me the same way! When I receive backlash on my hair, I simply smile and say "don't hate on the natural"...Don't get me wrong, I still think weaves and braids are a great source of style and protection, but I will never again spend my hard earned money on another one because of someone's f@cked mentality.
Feel free to check out my online journal @ http://public.fotki.com/nappystorm/. Feel free to post comments. I'm still in the product junkie /style rut phase. All suggestions are welcome!!!!
Posted by: puddin at May 22, 2005 05:52 PMI just stumbled on this site while, guess what; looking for some products to buy.
I decided to go natural in September of 2004. I had just gotten my hair done and went to a birthday party. It was hot and muggy out and low and behold, my hair did the "big swell up". I decided that night if I was going to have big hair no matter what, I might as well stop spending $70 on a relaxers that are going to frizz up anyway and go for it.
It wasn't until December of 2004 that I started to get discouraged. I had about 3 inches of new growth and 12 inches of relaxed hair. I was looking good and crazy. Also, once my hair was dry, I could get the new growth to look straight. However, when my hair was wet, you could see the difference.
Anyway, in April of 2005 I did the "big chop". But as much as I thought I was ready before, I knew I did the right thing by hanging on the relaxer. I needed that security because I too was concerned about what others thought. As I became more comfortable with who I am as a black woman, the comments that other would say (behind my back of course) didn't matter.
Today is May 27 2005 and I have a cute 4 inch afro (a bit longer at the top) that is off the hook. Those same people that were talking behind my back are now asking me how long did it take and do I have any advise for them. I just laugh.
I'm still struggling with the products tho. It seems that Natural Hair Care is becoming big business because everyone is not throughing "natural" on their bottles. I have spent about $200 on products over the time I started the process until now. I thought my hair was suppose to "curl" a certain way. Once I decided that Healthy is better than Curly, I became free to not care if I had a "z" pattern or "s" pattern or if I could get a coil. When I think of the time and money I spent trying to look like someone else, I could kick myself.
Thanks for listening (reading).
Lizz
lol. I read the post and I truly agreed with this. I use to go on nappturality.com faithfully but after a while I could not stand being on there anymore because the posts started to get a little ignorant. On one hand there are alot of natural women out there who love themselves and could care less about what everyone else is doing to their 'dos. But at the same time I noticed that there were more and more naturals trying to conform their families into going natural but got an attitude when other members wanted them to get a relaxer or worst; reading threads on how upset they are that certain celebs decided to straighten their hair or how when passing a pedestrian with relaxed hair on the street, a naturral shakes their head in disdain. I thought the whole point for going natural in the first place was for self. I went natural because I did not want to wasted money every month for products that I would throw away after one use anyway. Plus I was looking at how other nationalities were about to wash their hair and "just be" while I was running from water, putting grease (that made my scalp itch) on my hair, and not ever know what my hair looked like when I was younger (except for a picture right after I was born with a fro). I realized that sadly, our people can't just be happy for someone. It does not matter what we accomplish, we are constantly finding some way to look down on our own. The only time those are quick to defend our own is when another race talks down on us but yet they do it just as bad if not worst. I just don't get it.
Posted by: at May 31, 2005 01:42 PMhi,
I just thought I'd leave a comment or two because I visit your site quite often. I like your hair, and I like your approach in how you deal with your hair. I'm newly natural, but natural is where I belive my heart was all the time. basically I keep a pretty simple routine myself. don't have any pics as of yet, but hope I will soon. peace to you. you have a nice site.
I love my natural hair.
Lisa,
I do believe i have stumbled upon a diamond in the rough, this site! From the inception of your process of going natural, you are blossoming beautifully. I have been contemplating wacking off my tresses and after viewing your site, i think i am convinced. I must admit i do feel sexy and feminine when my hair is pressed out, but the process is so time consuming and I absolutely dread it. So, I've been wearing weaves and other styles to simulate natural. This short cut is no longer cutting it, so i do believe the next step for me is to go for the real thing. I feel that this change will bring me to a new level of awareness, thus improving my wuality of life. I could go on and on but i will stop here. thank you for sharing with us!
-Angel
P.S. does anybody have a suggestion as to who i can get to cut my hair? does it matter?
Posted by: Angel at September 19, 2005 02:03 PM