Nappy Kitchen

They Just Don't Get It

Last night a friend and I were watching a sitcom (that joint with Nicole Ari Parker and Boris Fuckable Kodjoe), engaging in our usual running commentary. He mentioned that he thought Nicole looked better with long hair. I completely disagreed and told him it was only because he was Beyonce'd out like the typical black man. Clearly Nicole's face is more flattered by a short cut, but mayhap I'm aware of this simply because...I'm smarter. LOL.

At any rate he was a bit offended by my calling him a typical black male, being that he actually is a bit atypical. Now I love my friend to pieces and I respect his preferences. But the typical black male DOES prefer long, silky hair, usually to the exclusion of common sense. Sometimes it's all they see. Doesn't matter if the shit comes out of a bag or right from the scalp, long as that shit is long and straight. Or long and silky-curly. Nappy hair can go to the devil as far as many of them are concerned.

For being aware of this and calling men on their tunnel vision, I get called bitter. Well, I'll be dat.

Men don't want to take responsibility for the large influence they have on women's beauty choices. Do you think the vast majority of African-American women would feel the need to burn their scalps with caustic chemicals and pad their heads with fake pieces if there weren't so many signs around them pushing the idea that this is beauty, this is superior? I highly doubt it.

For some it really is a choice. My hair was rather long as a teen, but I got tired of it and cut it off, going through a cycle wherein my hair was at various lengths. I didn't start weaving it up until I got to my mid-twenties (I was going through a bit of a phase and wanting to try something new). And I can honestly say I did it because of me; I was a single gal not even remotely interested in the opinions and perceptions of the men around me. I looked damn good with my weave, and I'm still not averse to wearing it for a style change even now in my nappy state. But I look damn good with my own hair too. And I will never let any man disabuse of me of this notion.

However, there are far too many women whose self-esteem has been damaged, by this society that prefers light over dark and straight over kinky. I love to see healthy looking hair in all its capacities, relaxed or not. But it absolutely kills me when I see some gal with permed hair hanging limply to her shoulders. And you can almost see her scalp in some places, because the lye has thinned her hair out so badly. And I know she's just hanging on to that hair for length and appearances, because somebody somewhere told her that she looked "better" with long hair.

It makes me smile when I read in somebody's photo album or in somebody's blog that their signficant other absolutely loves their natural hair. I like when men come up to me just to tell me they think my hair is pretty. I like when men touch my hair as if they can't help themselves (can't say I'm not weirded out at times too though). It's important to have at least one person who is fully supportive when you have kinky hair, because we are surrounded by so many others that would have us believe that our naps are something to be straightened into submission or buried under layers of synthetic strands.

I invite the men that are most vocal about their opposition to natural hair to sit with a relaxer on their heads for 30 minutes. See how they feel about nappy edges then.

As for me, I need my man to be just as in love with my hair as I am like I need my next breath. I'll let you know if I ever find him. ;)

Posted by Lisa at January 25, 2005 04:58 PM