I lot of people (especially men) have told me that I was cute or looked better with longer (read: long, straight) hair. While I agree that the hairstyle itself was cute, I can't say I miss it. When I rocked that hairstyle the men weren't looking at Lisa. They were looking at an image of Lisa, one created specifically to meld with the rest of the crowd. They were looking at a Lisa that was trapped within the confines of popular beauty ideals. In short, not the real me.
Honestly, I used my hair to hide, whether it was naturally mine or not. Those long bangs were a shield of sorts, much like I feel my eyeglasses are. It's hard to explain, but those that are or have been really shy will identify with what I'm saying. When I cut my hair, I forced others as well as myself to really look at me. Straight Lisa, no chaser. This is who I am. This is who I will be.
Long straight hair = more appealing to men. This is an equation that holds true for the vast majority. Nothing I can do about it, and I'm not particularly inclined to care. Anytime a man asks me more than a few times if I'm planning on "keeping" my natural hair or constantly mentions how good I looked with the long hair, then I know he's having trouble dealing with my hair. Quite honestly, it's a bit of a turnoff. I don't expect every person I encounter to immediately remove their societally forced perceptions of what is beautiful, but I do expect any person I deal with to accept that this is my choice. And I would prefer that any man I'm involved with actually like my hair as is. I'll be damned if I get with someone that's merely willing to make allowances for my hair. You ain't got to do me no favors! Love all of me or bounce. It's as simple as that.
When I run my fingers through my hair and it feels soft and healthy, I think about the dry brittle shit I used to deal with and wonder why I waited this damn long to come to my senses. Unless somebody straps me down and applies it to my hair, I will never go back to the relaxer. The only thing temporary about my hair right about now is the length.
I would like for people to understand that my nappy hair is not a style. It is my hair period. I'm letting it do what it's supposed to do: grow wild and unencumbered by caustic chemicals. Love it or leave it. Either way I'll still be doing me.
Yeah I'm really feeling this post. I cut of my hairstylist of 13 years because she's been putting the press on me (no pun intended) to perm my hair. I can't stand relaxers; they badly damage my hair. I've met many people (specially whites) that are intimidated by my braided hair. I'm a black woman, I'm supposed to look ethnic.
When I was in high school, I used to wear super duper long weaves so often, people began to think it was my real hair. 24 inches is more than enough to hide behind. I didn't like the way I looked an didn't want people looking at me.
Posted by: ~SunRay~ at June 1, 2004 09:53 AMI so agree on the long straight hair hiding thing. I so agree....
Posted by: Brick at June 1, 2004 11:55 PMlooking good leez, do you. if you feel more "you" rockin the natural then i say viva la natural!! i'm not concerned with you letting it grow back to the way it was before, but i'm curious -- are you going to grow it out to a full fro or lock it, or stick with the twists? i think any would look good on you (my 2cents). anyway, just droppin in, i've been away for a minute so i'm checkin on my dailies. much love.
al
Posted by: al at June 10, 2004 11:43 AMAl - I'm in the process of growing the hair out, more out of curiousity than anything else. I plan on going until next year without doing anything drastic; just chilling it letting go free. I do want a big ass fro at some point...I think. As for locing, I don't see myself doing that until waaay down the road. Maybe in like 5 yrs.
Posted by: Lisa at June 10, 2004 01:28 PMPeace Queen.
I was directed to your site from Siana! After reading this post, I felt like u dipped into my body and stole those feelings from me before i found a way to express them myself. My mom always told me I hid behind my hair. When I expressed an interest in going natural, she supported it all the way. (she should have, since she was the one who permed me) When i'm out and about in Crackka ass Cracka Cali, I get mad attention from men - especially black men when i wear the 12in weave. But let me take it off and wear my natural, short hair....no looks..no greets...nada. I've found it hard to find the strength from within to go natural for good. I stopped perming my hair 6 yrs ago...but kept wearing weave. I let go of the weave a few months ago, and wear head wraps. My hair is about 4 in. of natural hair...now comes the transition. I am tired of folks seeing my Beyonce-image..the contrived image of beauty. I want folks to see me...
thank you so much for what you wrote.
Peace.