yes i could have avoided the whole brouhaha by explaining myself when i sensed his distrust. i could have factored in his personal history and acted accordingly. i could have been like - yeah so when i'm speaking of money and whatnot i'm talking about spiritual weight. you know, the kind that comes from heart alchemy. the midas touch of one's Higher Self.
but after five years, why in the damn do i have to spell it out that way?!?!??! if you don't know Me by now...well shit. i don't know about you.
when those accusations flew at me, i can't say i was angry. it was more like *SCOFF* here this mf goes again getting soft and allowing others to wrongly impress. i have always been the Empress. the One with compassion and forgiveness in abundance. i buck, but usually in defense. i, sensei of Self.
and my offputting persona is only a shield against those that would try me. because you know what? they will.
to say that you don't trust someone because of their mood swings is kinda...offputting. especially when i've been loyal to the point of self-harm. taking on his miseries and/or not saying a thing, because i didn't want to get blasted for being truthful and trying to help. staying down, when not one of the mfs that lived in his town would tarry too long with him. when he was a pariah, prancing dizzily about like Mariah. drama queen.
i am not expecting to receive a gold star for my Martyrdom. but i have to tell my story.
it's always just one thing, and instantly this person wants to throw me under the bus. but he's the one that belongs on the short one. retarded ass. you don't get to pass go or collect shit...just get on back to the correctional facility and let em Work on your judgment.
and yeah i smelled that bullshit you were talking. like without you, i'd be nothing. like i'm the one in need.
chile, i was Me before any dude. and was still Me in those days of choosing.....
who'd be pimping you.
sucka. iown wanna lick yo wrapper.
Posted by Lisa at December 1, 2009 11:04 PM