i got a whuat?

Please note that although I have dropped a considerable amount of body weight, the booty is still doing its thing. Ghetto mf. Just all out there being loud and calling attention to herself. Apparently she didn't get that memo about downsizing.

So I gots that kind of ass that immediately becomes community property once I step into a club...bar...lounge...shit, even Wally World. Being that this has been going on since jr. high, I've become inured to the ass fondling. Yes, totally random walk-by ass fondlings! Hottentot Venus I am. Ogled and objectified.

And to think there are actually chicks that aim for this type of treatment. Pffttt. Silly hoes abound.

Now, I could sit here and pretend to be outraged at folks' behavior; but who am I to hate on any source of amusement? I gotta respect a body part that inspires random gotdamns and praise allahs. These days, I enjoy the fact that dudes don't want to know my name, marital status, etc. Nah, they're curious about exactly how I'm carrying around "all that."

My backside has been known to trigger delusional behavior. I don't even get to unwind and have a nice platonic dance with anybody. Let me do a hip roll on some dude. Might as well be registering with the stalker locator service.

I'm getting followed.

I'm getting slackjawed stares.

I'm getting eyed in the bathroom by a pink who exclaimed "ooooh you got a donkey!" (and slapped my ass to prove her point.)

I'm getting asked questions like "So how is this relationship going to work with all this attention you be getting?"

I'm getting to the point where I feel like I need to stop hating on this one rebellious body part and own it. I mean honestly, what am I doing playing wall lotus when I'm supposed to be shining? No I won't be wrapping my parts around a stripper pole or showing the gelatinous quality of my lower body on the dance floor.

But that will be me with some tight ass jeans on that do their booty-enhancing duty. So ladieeees, hold tight to your significant other....'cause that might be him, doing a bad job of clandestine eye hustling. Following me down the aisle at the store; on some ole "i forgot to get some deodorant" beeswax.

Just to get another look.

And more than likely that'll be you.

Hating.

Heh.

Posted by Lisa at July 20, 2008 03:58 AM