Duality. I do and I don't appreciate the way he makes me feel. I can be so strong, so cool and neutral about everything and everyone else...but him. He...
moves me. When he calls I have to answer. I'm his genie with the dark brown eyes. I'd like to be his houri. I get so damn...girlie.
I don't know how to shut him out. Walls blink out of existence when he is near. I get amnesia (now what was that I was ranting about earlier?). I can barely even remember who I am because all I am is....
feeeelings. Phase shifting. Conversing whilst experiencing...a passion I thought not possible. At least not on this plane. There's warmth here...simmering heat. What would it take to bring we to boiling point? I wonder. Intriguing it is. Like a beautiful complex melody. The beat divinely dj'ed. I am compelled to tune in. My spirit dances. It's...pervasive joy and bone-deep contentment. The sense of having been in the Sun too long. I have a lovely glow but oh I feel sooo lazy.
This is why no (wo)man works in Paradise. In the Garden you only want to stop and smell the roses. Laugh and play and sing and write and paint and just sit still and...be.
I experience him at Level Hue and Level Mu. So it's...visceral and holy. Blended Earth and Heaven.
I've always been willing to acknowledge a soul connection. I've had those before. But from the beginning, this was different. It incited riotous emotion that refused to be ignored. Desiderati that burrowed into my marrow. Turned me into a wanton woman. Wanting to drop everything just for a chance to explore...more. It pushed me beyond myself. Dragged me into high adventure. For it I sailed the 77 seas...
to Bermuda. Down the rabbit hole...to the bottom of the chalice. Ecstasy marked the spot of this treasure. It defied measure. This be the thing of fairytales. The inspiration behind every heartbreaking work of staggering genius magnum opus zeitgeist. The shining blissstuff...
the G-force.
I apply my personality in a paste, because it's easier to peel off. Denuding when I seek clarity. So yes - I've seen the big picture there, but wonder why it looks so different here. Where is the sense of finality one feels when the lesson is learned? Why did he come back when I thought the story had ended? After all the strongarming of self it's a bit anti-climactic. I've had the deus ex machina...I want my fucking dénouement!
Shit. I thought I was supposed to let go, but I don't know. The next breadcrumb eludes me but I sense that it's close...very.
U feel it too...don't you?
No fear. I am here.
Posted by Lisa at May 10, 2008 12:50 AM