Turnabout is fair play. If S(he) deemed it necessary for me to not only know but physically/spiritually experience aspects of his pain; then he should get the same treatment. He should have to feel me. He should have to know what it's like to walk in my shoes.
I want him to know what it's like to love the way I do. I want him to know how it feels to offer every ounce of your being, and still have the door slammed in your face. Constantly. I want him to know what it's like to be deemed piteous or crazy for having an open heart. Scorned and spurned. I want him to know the utter sense of foolishness one feels after baring their heart and soul...and being met with stony silence.
I want him to miss me like he would his next breath. I want him to compare every woman to me and find them lacking. I want him to get insanely jealous when he imagines me with another. I want him to feel needy and desperate when he doesn't hear from me. I want him to feel like half a person when I'm not around. I want his cells to tingle when I am. I want him to dream of me...awake awash in sensation. Devoured by my spirit. I want him to crave. He should have to hunger for - my skin, my smell, my hair, my lips, my inside...my everything.
I want him to refuse death because he knows he's not supposed to go without me. I want him to wield his heavenly sword for me. I want him to cry for me until his chest aches. Weep for me. For everything I've borne to become the person I am. Right now. I want him to feel blessed for being shown a love like this. Favored because a love like this is a gift from God. It IS God.
And you better know that's something to get on your knees and give thanks for.
I don't want revenge; I want at-one-ment. But I don't expect it. That's how I remain protected from the pain of...
not being received.
Posted by Lisa at May 9, 2008 08:57 PM