A wise old soul told me once that life is "a subtle dance through the savage garden. " And yes he was correct in his assumption that back then I hadn't quite got the "rhythm".
But now? I assure you I have the routine down pat. Graceful and schmoove. I'm over here wheeling this starship on some ole school gold Monte Carlo with the white top type shit. On lean, but still 9:15.
Lol.
Check it. I had this conversation with the ex-paramour that was...interesting. No, not what he was saying, just the part where this portion of me kept watch. Not participating, just observing. This set-apart sense of Self allowed me to perceive the conversation on a whole.notha.level.
Oh the parlor tricks this dude pulled out. Backhanded references to my weight and my supposedly narrow interests. And the condescending tones...were they there before...you know, back when I was asleep?
About that I'm not sure. Seemed more like a defense mechanism. Yet another wack nigga - guaranteed to choke on these new fumes I emote.
So there I was...one foot in and out of the conversation. One portion making quick work of destroying any egotistical fantasies floating about, and the other - dealing with the fact that I'd have the nerve to once fancy myself in love with a borderline soulless husk.
Pfffttt. At most it was trumped up infatuation. Forgivable, because I didn't know any better.
Now is different. And nowadays, I ain't hardly the bitch to sit on the phone and let some Type A Drone attempt to lower my self-esteem...all on the sly and shit. Fuck out of here with that! Come to me on that sort of bullshit and you're liable to be completely written out of my story. Studies in atavism bore me.
By the time I hung up the phone, I was lookin at this mf like he was straight out of a comic book. Laughable those antics. Can't blame the dude for trying though...shit worked before.
I suppose I'll just have to resend that memo about me no longer being the one.
Posted by Lisa at April 30, 2008 08:29 PM