O Lisa the martyr, how I will not miss thee. I will not miss the way you internalized pain. The way you were always willing to pick up each relationship at the point before the skeleton of contention fell out of the closet. Rewinding and resetting; negating upward evolution. Eschewing openness and honesty in the interest of preserving a peace that down the line always revealed itself to be false. And still you would ignore the old lessons wrapped new skins.
I love you and applaud the role you played with vim and vigor; but now I release you from all responsibility. And bind you. I bind you from doing harm; harm to mySelf and harm to others.
Herein lies the craft. My magical potion for ascension.
Nowadays matter and spirit are so in sync that my entire body rebels if I am out of alignment with my environment. My tummy hurts if I don't deal with my root issues. My chest gets tight if I am fearful. I develop a cough if I'm not speaking my truth. My back tooth aches when I'm neglecting wisdom. My head hurts if I ignore my intuition. I get bloated when I don't release.
Given all that, it pretty much behooves me to be an ever-conscious co-creator of my reality.
I'm a bit amused at the way the day started, because I really thought that I was going to get away with not directly addressing this issue. Thought I could sweat it out. Sing it out. Write it out. Go to sleep and wake up on some new shit.
So imagine my dismay when alI I arose with was the same hungover, off-kilter feeling with which I'd went to bed. See internal dialogue below.
MeOne: this has to be resolved.
Me2: but wait...I'm over it.
MeOne: *silently waits for dishonest mutterings to cease*
Me2: *whines* but why do I always have to be the one to ripple the pool?
MeOne: because you choose to.
After a bit more writhing in reluctance, I said what I had to say; realizing that it could cause some turbulence, but releasing even that guilt. I'm solely responsible for my side of the story; which demands to be told. I know now that anyone dealing with me not only has to be willing to hear it, but they must overstand it. Otherwise no peace.
And y'all know damn well I can't have that.
Posted by Lisa at March 25, 2008 02:30 PM