February 21, 2008
waiting in veins.
"Real life" can get tricky. Like any show that panders to those with limited heart sense, it's all too easy to get caught up. Caught slipping, sleepwalking...tripping. Talking shit, observing shit, involving oneself in the random manufactured drama that the matrix loves to throw your way. And there you go again...pretending to be a mere human; believing that this right here...this bullshit...this fuckery is the God honest truth...
when ain't shit Godly or honest about it.
Most of my life I have been the "loner", but I make no apologies for it. We people persons; the self-proclaimed "helper souls" do ourSelves a disservice when we attempt to escape the other side of the game. It's there for a reason, you know. So when the threads of the tapestry become frayed, and the colors begin to clash, it's best to retreat to that state no-mind and all concentration. Best to be alone to reassess and regain control of the larger picture of it all.
(disclaimer: my truth. go your own way.)
My dreamcatcher...it used to spin and dance with the dust motes in sunlight. Now...nowadays its animation is suspended. Still there but quiet; like the middle of the night and ain't nobody up but you and the G-force...
or D. Just depends on what team you're playing for.
Just old, I guess. And old things get weary, tired. Frail. It's born too many heavy things and now it just wants to rest.
And so...I let it. Now I'm strong enough to experience the last of my nightmares in daylight; to experience the pain when the fragmented ones steal on me and jab. To be confronted with my daemons until I have no choice but to deal. And I do, even when the going gets rough and I don't feel so tough and jeeeezly crow when does this shit ever.fucking.
END?
But you see there's the rub; which can feel like sable or boar bristle, according to your position. There will be no ending until you decide to begin...
another life. Because no, this one you got ain't the only one you can have. In the Void is where all possibilities lie; if you're fearless enough to go there, rest a while...and for pete's sake, be STILL.
Easier said than done, I know.
The heart is cooking a pot of food for you. Be patient until it is cooked. - Rumi
Alrighty, copy that.
but in the meantime, how to sublimate because...
i
am
ravenous.
I am feeling this so much! Whoever came up with the saying 'patience is a virtue' was right.......but it is so tough to master!
I know you are in the meantime.....hang on :-)
A virtue indeed and it seems like I'm getting tested at every turn...*le sigh* But at least I can say I'm a good test taker! 
"Best to be alone to reassess and regain control of the larger picture of it all." aint that true.
i left you a comment on an older entry as well i guess. don't know which one you'll get to first. i was interested in you since the first post i read and then after this one i became more intrigued. i checked your bio and you're wiccan. that's pretty awesome. i am, but don't practice as often as i should. a lot of the people i know who are also wiccan are rad people. excuse my use of terminology i tend to use random words or phrases to express my originality. or it may just be a hint at my sense of humor who knows. wow. let me stop. you're probably thinking to yourself, "wow, this dude is phuckin psycho...." eh. you may be right. who knows.
Posted by: big tony at March 7, 2008 05:05 AMI tend to like crazy folks better than the "normies", so no worries there.
I'm not a practicing wiccan either...over the years I've moved away from the ritual and dogma and work towards becoming a living expression of my inner truths.
Heh...don't I sound noble?
Posted by: Lisa at March 8, 2008 03:57 PM