I went out on a "date" last night. Real nice dude...I've known him for some years. My day hadn't really gone swimmingly, so I was definitely wanting to just go out and chill with someone cool who wasn't trying to engage in the whole food-for-pussy bartering scheme.
Today my mom said that when I told her I was going out, she'd hoped that the thing would go well; since he hadn't seen me in a long while. I guess she felt something I didn't...
So yeah he was all shocked at my lil transformation. I was quite understanding and allowed him time to adjust; joshed him a bit and told him to just pretend he was going out with someone new.
But I ain't expect the mf to act like we were on a first date! I mean damn. The vibe was all twisted up. He fairly bolted down his food; and when he wasn't chewing he was oddly silent. Just kinda...zoning out. I couldn't decide if he just wasn't feeling the new me, or if I was being all Bleach-y and overwhelming him with my spiritual pressure. He did say some things that shocked and awed me (e.g. - he told me he wish he'd never met me because he's always comparing chicks to me).
Okaaay, so I made my mark. He isn't the first dude that I've "damaged" that way.
However, this did nothing for the ego which I cut off at the knees quite some time ago. Like, the last thing I want to do is intimidate the fuck out of someone with whom I'm super comfortable. I just wanted to hang out and flow...you know? Let this bitch breathe and be relatively normal.
Ha. The date was crazy short. There was no lingering over dinner, no dessert, no second drink (and that sangria was fuckinG goot!). Dude hustled me home like he was afraid he was going to make a decision he would regret the rest of his life. Overstandable - he has a girlfriend; and at dinner when I inquired about his agitated state he told me he was having a bit of an internal struggle. But damn...ain't like I was sticking my hand down the front of his pants and rooting around! I was being a very good girl; working hard to keep the conversation above board. Flirting a LITTLE, of course; cause shit, that's just me. A grown man should be able to handle that, right?
Pffft.
Honestly, the whole situation just bummed me the eff out. Seems that these days I either have men creating large amounts of distance, looking at me as I've sprouted a nipple from my forehead (and they feel compelled to suck it), or bowing and scraping like I got Heaven's Gate seated in my poon. Mostly I am attracting, but nothing's really popping off from there. There's this odd stopping point. And it doesn't really have me questioning myself; as I'm very pleased with the changes I've made. But it does have me feeling like an island surrounded by a sea of weirdness.
I'm thinking that I need to just go underground and leave everyone to their own devices...
Apparently I'm a troublemaker even when I don't want to be. :/
Posted by Lisa at December 1, 2007 03:21 PM