Recently I spoke to a friend with whom I hadn't conversed in about a month or so. Back then he'd indicated to me that he had a lot of heavy decision making to do, so I decided to show some respect and leave him to his own devices. As well, I had my own inner house cleaning to do.
I heard some news about him via the family pipeline, so thought I would call to see how things were going. Part good Samaritan and part Nosey Rosey. After the usual pleasantries were exchanged, he sounded a bit perturbed as he pointed out that I'd just left him alone all this time. He still needed a confidante, friendship, companionship, and all that jazz. He was all miffed like I'd left him to die in the desert. Or something treacherous like that.
I assure you I would have apologized if I thought I was in the wrong. However, when before drama popped off I felt as if I would have to pull some piledriver move to immobilize his ass enough to be still and talk; then the natural conclusion drawn is that it would be best for me to leave things be and do my own thing. Shit, I thought the menfolks were highly into their SPACE. Besides, I have two numbers and a bevy of email addresses which any person possessing a reasonable IQ can use to contact me. Why the eff do I always have to be the one playing Capt. Save-A-Hoe?
Yeah, exactly.
Ah...men. I love them, I do...they're so damn variable; many shapes, sizes, and flavors. I've come across a few very yummy versions in my time, but the thing that always leaves a bitter aftertaste in my mouth is the HORRID communication skills that most of them possess. Sometimes talking to them is akin to stumbling upon a shit-faced swan careening at breakneck speed around a lake. Interesting to watch, but nothing but bad can come of it.
Tolerance zero for this shit. Games of Clue are for rainy nights when we've watched all the good dvds, there's nothing on cable, and we're too lazy to fuck. In real life (that being my life), direct communication is what gets it. What gets me. Going and all happy that whuat you mean I know a MALE that knows how to OPEN HIS FUCKING MOUTH AND SAY WHAT HE MEANS AND MEANS WHAT HE SAYS?
My gawd. I shall now proceed to fashion myself into at least a part-time love slave. Or whatever else he desires, cause yeah..that grown folks shit really gets me going.
Dudes that pull the wounded bear in a cave or the merry-go-round on me, I tend to regard like a child I gave away at birth and have absolutely no remorse over. I feel nothing. Mayhap mild annoyance that dissipates in the time spanning a fiber-fueled dump. You can be nothing but detached from someone that refuses to bring it to the table like you do. No sense crying over things you can't change. My mantra: it ain't about me. The more I repeat this, the easier it gets to simply leave off. I'll begin to care again, when they care enough to be as real with me as I am with them. No reciprocity, no justice.
We are all in some way instruments. And we all have to be virtuosos at taking a back seat when necessary. Way back. The prayer life of a flexible instrument cannot be well ordered. It has to be terribly free. And utterly responsive to a darkly, dimly understood command. - Thomas Merton
Note: The "command" over time becomes brighter and overstood the more you open to it. You just have to learn how to get out of our own way. Shove that ego into a crate and allow the Higher Self to direct. And a lot of people look at this as relinquishing control, surrendering. Appears to denote weakness. But actually what happens is you receive power and purpose. Things begin to free flow exactly as they are meant. If not for them, then definitely for you. Utmost responsibility is to Self. Worrying about a person never helped their ass a bit, nor added an hour to your life. You do your work - learn, grow, and exemplify; and if someone is feeling you and what you're doing, then trust me they will respond in kind. Hold your own and you will begin to attract just the sort of people you want in your life. Folks with whom you'll resonate. And those that feel like they can't relate will respectfully get the fuck on. Trust me.
Everything happens in the fullness of time, so I guess it would be best if we just let it.
Posted by Lisa at November 7, 2007 07:58 PM