you might win some...

Miscommunication leads to complication. Indeed Lauryn, indeedy. After all the reading and meditating that I've been doing lately, I'm inclined to believe that the communication gap has nothing to do with the fact that mfs are stupid or hard of hearing. It has to do with the fact that everything that I'm saying is being filtered through the ego. You churchy types like to call it "the debbil." Whatever name you like to give the shadow self, the mf still be on some fuck shit.

Observe via examples.

a)You tell them - "Hey, I missed you when you were away. It made me down because we're close enough that I could feel your pain. I wanted to help, but I understand the need for solitude."

Their response: "Ain't nobody told you to sit around twiddling your thumbs waiting for me. Shit I had to do what I had to do, so just deal with it! I'm grown!"

b)You see someone going through something and it appears to be something that you've gone through yourself not too long before. So being the helpful sort, you attempt to offer advisement and refer them to things that might help ease the passage.

Their response: "I don't need you trying to school me on shit! I'm extremely intelligent, plus I'm grown and do what the fuck I want!! So fuck off!"

c) You tell them - "I think you're great and man...we have such an awesome connection. Why aren't you making any moves?"

Their response: "Well yes I am the shit and you know, I can't help it if all the hoes be like...falling in love with me. Get in line."

d) You tell them - "I want someone that I feel is on my level, with the same ideals. That's important."

Their response: "Everybody ain't got to think like you do!!"

*cackles* You see what the eff I'm saying? Now that I know what I know, I find folks that allow their ego dominion to be really icky. Yes, I understand that you can walk around for a long time and not even know the difference. I accept, but bust how it doesn't alleviate the "eh" feeling that comes over me and forces me to sort of back off and observe things from a distance. I respect confidence, not arrogance - it's such a poondryer.

But humility? Oh my garsh, I promise you if I can find a dude that knows the value of humility I will so throw him in a cage and make him my love slave.

The awesomest skill that I've learned lately is detachment. No it doesn't mean that I love any less or have turned my back on whatever annoying person I'm involved with; it just means that I can look at any situation from a point of distance. Sure there will be those temporary moments wherein I will want to slap the living fuck out of them and stuff an ego-death pill in their mouths but hey - again, I'm human. I think we're here to experience that range of emotions.

But we have the power to control it. That rainshower doesn't have to become an F5 tornado. The trick is to not let all the misery and whatnot pull you down permanently. I let myself feel angry, because damn, isn't it the most cleansing emotion? But then I just kinda zip right back to either happiness or calm/serenity. It's a super cool trick. (Unless I'm PMSing. Then all this is a bust.)

They say that an open/healthy heart chakra allows one to practice forgiveness with ease as well as look at any situation and find it funny. I figure mine must be sitting on 24s and spinning like hell these days. Even when I'm irritated or completely flummoxed I can inject humor in the midst of venting. Whoever thought that lil jawn up about laughter being the best medicine was quite the genius.

Now that I've come out of my pit o' confusion, I'll probably be writing an awful lot. So don't mind me...I'm just over here still growing and sharing the learnt lessons with the open-minded. However, you can save the cookies for my cheat day...I ain't lose all this weight for nuffin! ;)

Posted by Lisa at July 14, 2007 08:01 PM