I could never help being in love with him. My unstoppable force. I find myself in this persistent state of falling, and…each time it’s different. I would say deeper but I think I mean higher. At least that’s how it feels.
Oh, how he makes me feel. Butterflies, pulse racing, and all the soft good girly emotion I thought I’d left behind with my youth. One would think that at this stage of life’s game, there could little about love that could feel new; but no…I’ve never felt this way.
In the past, I’ve been guilty of settling for loves less than ideal. I thought it was just my lot in life. But within my depths I yearned for a kind of love that would defy labels and predictable patterns. Shift the paradigm. Something…fortuitous and life-changing.
Now that I got it, I don’t want it to go no.where. It’s too damn good. Here I have this man that is my haven. Home is…wherever he is. So when he is near, I allow myself to burrow into him. Stare into his eyes…addicted to the passion and poetry I see. I see I and see we in amazing and multiplicative ways. I believe in it all. I believe that we are never as good as when together, because together we become whole self.
I recognize that to say this is to say that I need him, but I am no longer fearful of how open this makes me. I trust him; therefore I speak in absolutes.
It just gets…intense. The way that I now feel earth attached to spirit; when before it seemed almost sinful to think of him that way. Now I cannot look at him without wanting to kiss him. Now nearly every night he awaits me in dreams...wet. Now I not only want him up here, but up up up in me. I want him fully mine. I want bliss.
Mostly I do an admirable job of keeping this to myself. But when alone I flow. Leak love. Feels good, like any secret pleasure should; but would probably be unimaginably better if shared. If.
Obviously I’m still learning the lesson of letting go. Maybe in the next few chapters…
Posted by Lisa at May 9, 2007 03:25 AM