No Weapon.

The other day I needed to let off steam, so I sat down to write this really rant-y entry. It wasn't some let me tell you this shit! kind of post. It was venomous; dripping with frustration at my inability to understand why people are a certain way. Somewhere in the middle I thought to myself...why? Why waste time and valuable energy recounting my misadventures with the off-kilter people of the world? I had to remind myself that to give words to a thing is to give it power. Power to take away my sense of well-being and power to those who seek to use my weaknesses against me.

Not that I don't vent at all. I just make sure I share with those that care enough to give me the right feedback

I'm certainly no Pollyanna...shit sometimes I have to fight tooth and nail the pessimism that threatens to creep and take away all I've worked for. But I've learned that if one is diligent enough in maintaining positivity the payoff has both extrinsic and intrinsic value beyond measure.

Misery is such a cancerous thing. Eats away at the soul it does. Perhaps if I were more Mother Theresa, I'd set aside some time to teach these people; give em the tools to find the way. Unfortunately, misery is also infectious; worse even than leprosy. It's the emotional vampire in the room. So I don't stand too close for too long, 'cause there's moving to be done...forward and away from the "i told you so" - "you're too..." - "you ain't that..." - "i hate my life" types.

At any rate, you can't save those that don't want be saved.

Life is here for those who choose to live it. Those who don't are like the walking dead to me...shuffling from one point in existence to another. I can't help but to watch them at times (from afar), with that terrible fascination reserved for shit like car crashes and fashion mishaps.

Quickly enough they fade from view, and the other things - the good things - fill up my sight.

Meanwhile, none of my damn jeans fit and my boobs are doing a very nice disappearing act. The drawbacks of losing weight, I suppose...but not really a drawback cause I look GOOT. A heffa is real proud of herself for being so on it; especially at an age when it's scarily easy to be completely sedentary. And like my bunny said, it ain't so much about looking all commercial (hips like these will never be mainstream); but it is about taking measured steps to improve my health. I feel entirely different than I did at the beginning of last year...I was so weary. And afraid to move. Now I can barely keep up with myself.

I know some people aren't really comfortable with the current version of me...and you know, that's to be expected - there is a 180 feel to bits and pieces. But sometimes evolution moves slow enough as to go undetected, so the change seems sudden. It's amusing to watch them attempt to adjust; even more amusing to watch myself. Sometimes I feel as if I've been jarred awake from a nightmare, yet moved from one dreamscape to another; can this life really be?

I'm getting the hang of it all though. Practice makes perfect!

Posted by Lisa at January 28, 2007 02:23 PM