The other night, they were playing your song, and the speakers fairly trembled. Time sloooooowed. I closed my eyes, shut out the flashing lights and human scenery, wanting nothing to intrude upon my thoughts. Oooh...shit. Let me tell you, I might have made many a reckless promise in those moments, just to be near. Closer than...this current version of close.
I'm just wondering what dreams of me you'd happened upon, because you know, that's how we are. I think of you as you think of I...cellular vibing. We be in circadian rhythm; on some New Age Bonnie & Clyde shit. And at times it does seem criminal to feel this good. So good, that I've several times attempted to shift a bit sideways and blunt the impact of it all. Can't be too enthralled; too in it.
It's so useless though. Somehow, you always find a way to steal into my most well-hidden places. I've learned to loosen and enjoy. Sometimes I even "accidentally" leave the key under the mat. I mean...why fight what feels so natural; and at this point, so essential to me?
Crazy how not so long ago, we were close to giving this up. Few are blessed with the chance to be so inexorably, inexpicably, intricately, intrinsically, intimately, intensely entertwined. And a second chance at that.
But you know we've always been here...have always belonged to each other. We just were a bit blinded by fear and insecurity...mostly. Just damaged enough to recognize a good thing, but struggle with feeling worthy of it. Endlessly thankful am I that we were propelled to a state of full overstanding. Now it's all wondrous reciprocity, and we flow so easy...like the boughs of that tree you spoke of. And we are that tree aren't we? Strong, yet supple. We secure and we...cushion each other.
I thought to tell the story of we, but realized that its threads are woven into the words that I've written in the time that I've known you. Always been there for the more astute to decipher. Even so, we always want to speak at length about good things. About our beloved.
The sentiment only becomes redundant to those who ain't got it, so they don't just get it.
I got to talking about you some nights ago, was attempting to explain how organic our relationship is. How we are so integral to each other. And though in a stand- alone way we are whole people, the whole of we is something else altogether. How I have experienced love in the past sure enough, but have absolutely no point of reference for this. Most assuredly I have never been taken care of so...thoroughly. Got me feeling...kept.
"I'm spoiled," I say, looking all of like the cat who has been granted a lifetime supply of cream. And you know, I get the envious remarks...sideline hating. But it's like they're trying to piss through a metal wall. Nothing could sully the sense of fulfillment I get from we.
And I could go on...but I've probably already offended the sensibilities of those who don't like a lot of words in one place.
I just had to write about you; conciseness and linearity be damned, because I miss you. Sometimes our schedules become inversely proportionate; I burn the midnight and early morning oil and you're up in time to see Regis and Kelly. All busy and such. So this is my way of honoring what we now have and do and are...
and marking the place/space before what we will be.
Posted by Lisa at January 23, 2007 03:39 AM