Thanks to the diligently offensive menfolks of the world, I've experienced all sorts of come-ons and lines. There are the dudes that can treat you better than any man "in here." The potential murder victims with their Roman hands and Russian fingers (I cannot convey to you the violation one feels when a complete stranger slaps your ass). Even a few here or there that have come at me respectfully...if a little bit on the lame side.
Mostly I'm not surprised by their methods, since most approachers think male-female interaction requires very little creativity. Last night went a little differently though.
I saw this dude who knew me from way back in the day. I'm talking about back when I had the real fluffy Salt and Pepa-ish hairstyle (what y'all know bout that asymmetric cut?). Most folks tend to recognize me; age hasn't obliterated my defining features....yet. So no surprise when he recalled my inability to speak without dissolving into a puddle of shy goo. But yes surprise when he mentioned that he was still in possession of an old school picture of me. Damn, I didn't even remember giving him one. Ain't like we were like that. We just played in the same circles, you know?
Thinking he was joshing me, I asked him what grade was it from. He described what I had on, how my hair was...all that shit! A bit floored I was over that, and momentarily tossed into throwback zone. Gah, I remember those days. No worries beyond what outfit I would wear to school and the perfect-sized curling iron.
He went on to say that he always knew I would be "something" when I grew up. Basically told me he'd had plans to step to me once he thought I was of an age to be handling them types of thangs. Whuaaaat? No idea. I'm telling you...you just never damn know the impressions you make upon folks. Even as a gangly A-cup.
Now this part of the conversation I believe was not game. I wasn't getting that oily feel. 'Twas more like...high school reunion prattle. Harmless.
So I wasn't suspicious.
We ramped the conversation back up to present tense, and the usual questions were asked - "Kids?' "What do you do?"
And NOW here comes the ubiquitous "Do you have a man?"
Ok I expected that.
But I'm still not suspicious.
He mentions that he might need a site and blah blah. Of course I'm always down to make money, but most men are not above dangling the work carrot in hopes of procuring poon down the line. But me, I give folks the benefit of a doubt. Yeah, he might just need a site to promote his business. Mhm.
And then he says, "Ok. So don't get a boyfriend in the next few days."
Shoulda damn known. Men!!
Then he comes over later, asks if I need a drink and says "I was checking to see if you were being faithful."
Haha. Jokey joke...I hope. I ain't up for adding another stalker to the roster.
Through all this I respond with polite smiles and noncommittal grunts in the appropriate spaces. I'm real nimble when it comes to dodging male attention. I have this technique where I divert the conversation onto some completely safe non-sexual ground like...what in the HELL does that heff have on? You know me...ever the quick wit!
Oh but the BEST part of the whole night? Was when I relayed the conversation to my cousin, who aforementioned dude had bought a drink before conversing with me. She wrinkles her nose and says (as if I were REALLY asking for her blessing), "Oh you're cool. He ain't my type anyway."
Here I was thinking he was just being nice. Obviously she considers the buying of a drink an overture.
And I ain't even know pussy could be bargained down to blue mf levels. I am woefully out of the loop.
P.S.: This dude in the parking lot said I had to be from "Idaho or some shit....somewhere where it ain't a lot of blacks." So I ask, "Why do you say that? Because I'm articulate?"
He replies, "No it ain't got nothing to do with the way you look. You just don't sound like anybody I know."
Well damn...I ain't know he'd come into contact with such a wide array of people. And certainly had no idea that articulateness was appearance-related!
Umm...so y'all know it was pretty much downhill from that point. Dude walked away with his tail between his legs after I'd finished with him. And I went home alone...
But still not particularly lonely.
Posted by Lisa at January 21, 2007 07:24 PM