Single Sangle

I did a lot of editing for length on this one...'twas a tiddly bit rambly. I'm telling you...in my mind I swear these posts are going to be short!

I am so behind on my bloghopping, save for my stalkerage of tcakes, who has a smashing new layout courtesy of yours truly. Don't.hate. Maybe if you wrote like him I'd be more adamant about coming to your shit. I keed, I keed. I'm just a lazy self-involved heffa. Though I did spend a good part of Saturday night going through this chick's archives. Very nice flow she has; I shall have to throw myself upon her email mercy and beg her to create a piece for the mag.

Speaking of that, Imma need all you errant mfs out there to be contacting me about submitting your writing and art to The Flow. I know plenty of youze are the creative types. Don't be skeered...I'm not that insane an editor. *evil grin*

As I've mentioned many a time, I've been single a long time. Over five years to be exact. I've noticed there are three running assumptions amongst the people that are confronted with this fact: a) I'm a luvah of the carpets; b) I'm an acrimonious, bitter bitch that hates men; or c) I'm so desperate I will fuck anything that remotely resembles a male...and not necessarily a human one. It should stand to reason that I haven't been completely single in those years, but I do tend to let long stretches of time go before attending to my...ahem...needs. One thing you'll find about me is that I'm very much into control of self. And possessing strong, supple fingers and an operational vibrator never hurt anything.

Men are...ok. Every once in a blue moon I even respect them as people. They work best in a friend-type capacity, though. Like I told a fellow blogger, it's when you take dudes out of the platonic box to play that their appendages start falling off. Make you wanna return their janky selves to the dollar store or street corner where you found em. Thank gawd it's not the wang that goes first!

Recently I decided to adamantly devote myself to staying single. So not only am I not looking, but in a sense I won't even allow myself to be open to the possibility. *shrug* I have a lot of things I want to accomplish in the next couple of years and somehow a relationship doesn't seem to "fit." In doing this, it feels I've lifted a weight off my shoulders (believe it or not, the pressure was more external than internal).

I remain steadfast in my belief in fate and action. Fate in that I'm convinced that the right person doesn't have to be sought out. When the time is right, he'll make his presence known and felt. Action in that when I become aware of him that I will hopefully make the right choices and decisions and not run like hell just because the timing is wrong or the feelings too overwhelming.

But for now I occupy my hermit's corner and do my spinster thing. No one even remotely attainable or doable is tickling my fancy at the moment so it's pretty damn easy. I'm in great danger of becoming asexual. The scientists will want to kidnap and examine my rapidly disintegrating lady parts. Pretty soon I might look like a Barbie down there!

Of course, I give all of you permission to giggle maniacally at my mis good fortune if my soulmate turns up on my doorstep tomorrow. Prince Charming in the hood! Heh.