Faking It

I need to say that David Cross is severely underrated in the black community.

Oh come on people, you gotta know by now I'm a nerd!

Ain't nothing more unattractive than a mf with really low self-esteem, hear me? If you don't like yourself, if you think you represent all that is shitty and deeply wrong with American society, if you regularly engage in deep self-loathing, I have some advice for you. Keep that shit to yourself. Yeah you heard me. There is no greater high-blower or pussy-dryer than a person sitting around whining about all that is wrong with them. I don't know if I'm just selfish as fuck or evil as hell (I am indeed both), but I ain't got time to be listening to any mufucka run down the list of all his negative attributes. I'm not understanding the reasoning behind such a thing. What could you possibly be thinking to expose all your faults to glaring light? Like, am I supposed to give a nigga sympathy pussy behind this shit? I think not. If anything I'm liable to agree with his ass. "Yeah you really are more worthless than pig slop."

I think there's a bit of a double standard when it comes to low self-esteem. It's more or less acceptable for women to bemoan their faults. And since it's a given, men more or less overlook it or in many cases take advantage of that shit. ("Oh you think you're fat? Here suck my dick, it'll make you feel better.") But have you ever heard a woman say, "Girl he thinks his dick is too small, but Imma fuck him because he's cute!" Sheeeiiiit! If YOU think your dick is small then chances are the shit is even smaller than you're willing to admit. Ain't no bitch in her right mind that would get herself willingly entangled in such a situation.

As unfair as it seems, we live in a society where men are expected to display a confident facade, whether they feel that way or not. Like an old friend of mine said, you gotta fake it to make it. If you think you're fat, have the dunlap from hell, hate that taco meat on your chest, or think your lats could use a bit more development...keep that shit to yourself, mane. Otherwise you can rest assured that you will get nan bit o' twat. Unless some errant chick decides to get drunk and pity fuck you.

But you ain't got to take my advice. Gone and sit around with a perpetually arid dick if you want.

Per.pet.choo.ul.lee. Heh. I cannot stand when people try to call me on my word usage. I hadn't experienced this in a while, but it's been happening a bit more lately and the shit really blows me rather quickly. Making insipid comments like, "Whoa, whoa...let me get my dictionary." or "You know, you could speak like normal people." Yes I could. And I could also smack that smug ass smirk off your face! Shit. I don't like being made to feel as if I should alter my manner of speaking in order to make mfs feel comfortable with their limited grasp of the English language. Fuckers better get to know Merriam and Webster like I did. Hmph.

So I babysitted the nephew earlier this week. Clearly I will remain steadfast in my determination to keep my womb a cobweb-ridden mausoleum. I can't eeeen fuck with it. But forreal though, he was good with me, as most chirren are. I can't explain it, as I don't particularly like a lot of people's offspring. I told Tron it's because they sense that I will slice their throats with little provocation and therefore act accordingly.

Hey, you have your disciplinary methods and I have mine.