Lisa, I've been reading your blog for a while. Sometimes I'm laughing so hard my face hurts, nodding like a dumbass in front of my computer. Other times I can only vaguely relate in the abstract, and still other times I'm clueless because I'm... someone please explain "pinks" to the nearly white/little bit of red girl, please? That one is particularly ironic for me.

I had mentioned just today that your posts have me laughing so hard, then I came here tonight and found you flipped it on me. I don't have you in a box though, I'm still taking your challenge to take a good look at myself.

You have talent. No smoke.

Da fux your problem? Get your shit together right away!!! It's 5:30am and I'm already in a bad mood thanks to you. Now I have to go over to that Hello Kitty link you posted awhile ago and get happy. Angry heffa!

LMAO @ Stefanie! "nearly white/little bit of red" Sure sounds like pink to me.

Ummmm, I'm not gonna waste another keystroke telling you that you're the shit.

Go get laid or something. Damn.

...one of the biggest problems I see with our people is that we spend time chasing OTHER peoples dreams instead of realizing our own...trying so hard to emulate instead of just being ourselves...I've fallen victim to that mindstate at times as well...look rich or die trying

It's true, black folks can never be happy for each other and I think it's pathetic. Why wouldn't they want to see someone else being positve, taking steps to make their lives move forward? I remember when I bought my house, my "bestfriend" stopped talking to me until she bought on herself.

damn - it's 9:30 am. kind of like too early for this deep shit lisa. but okay.

"Let it be known that I refuse to let any smoke be blown up my ass, no matter how good it may feel."
---and to me that's one of the best things about you. there are only a handful of people who i think keep blogs actually for themselves and who portray their real selves in those blogs and i think you're one of them and that's why i read yours. and i assure you that is not smoke being blown up your ass.

Take a step back and check yourself. Really. Do you think you're a writer/designer/model/insertanythinghere? Or do you know, deep in the marrow of your bones that you are? Ask yourself that shit and keep in mind that there's a fine line between faith and delusion.
---i myself have always tried to make sure that people understand that i'm TRYING real hard to find out who i am and so that no one mistakes anything i say for me fronting on being something i'm not. i think in a way though - we're all writers. some better than others, some more funny, some more eloquent, some more truthful but these words are extensions of ourselves - just like they allowed you to convey your ire, they allow you to tell jokes or allow me to bitch about american idol (oh! and please believe i will be doing THAT today).

Why are we living beyond our means to convince others that we are indeed balling out of control? Really, who are we emulating?
---honestly, i think this is human nature to live beyond our means. especially americans and it's something that i've been guilty of myself and have been trying to make a conscious effort to stop doing. we (humans) do it, i think, because we see our self-worth in material possesions and as fucked up as that shit might be - it's a hard ass habit to break. i can't front like i don't own some coach shit and like i never wanted a louis vuitton purse but i KNOW that my own self-worth is greater than those things and i think that's what seperates the apples from the oranges. knowing that those things don't valiate you or make you a better person. because honestly, what good is having a beautiful exterior when the interior is all rotten, yanno?

Black folks and their self-hatred, insecurities, and general fuckedupedness really bother me sometimes. We are jealous; hard pressed to congratulate or be truly happy for each other. We are covetous; we always want what somebody else has
--again, i have to say that i think this is just human nature. jealousy is a natural emotion (i think) it's when you let it consume or blind you that you get in trouble.

whew! lawd have mercy. i'm done now. i too am a stalker, i don't say much when i read a lot of folks and i don't see anything wrong with that at all. you do you girl. :0)

Black folks and their self-hatred, insecurities, and general fuckedupedness really bother me sometimes. We are jealous; hard pressed to congratulate or be truly happy for each other. We are covetous; we always want what somebody else has.

I said something like this a while back about some of the "friends," that I was cutting out of my life. But believe me this isn't limited to black folks. The pinks fall into trying to keep up with the Jones and hating to see someone do well too.

You get that one person telling you that you're cute, so you go take some cheap glamour shots, get a bootleg ass innanet "portfolio" and tell people you're a model. A couple of people tell you they like your blog and you go around telling people you're a writer. Someone likes your Photoshop fiddlings and you go around telling people you're a graphic designer. Let it be known that I refuse to let any smoke be blown up my ass, no matter how good it may feel.

Self delusion is a sad and dangerous thing. And lawd save us from ugly folks who think that they're super models.

Why are we living beyond our means to convince others that we are indeed balling out of control? Really, who are we emulating? I hope it ain't Chez Whitey! For real. Cause y'all know damn well Mr. Charlie is steady laughing while you dig yourselves into a debt-ridden hole trying to prove...what?

I was just talking to someone about this. I just don't understand why people get themselves in debt over the latest fashions. I refuse to pay interest on anything that doesn't appreciate in value.

I think that you should take Elle's advice and get laid or something. Not because you're angry, but because getting laid is fun.

Stefanie - Thks. :) The pinks are white folks...I tend to call them that to keep from saying "crackas" or something else equally derogatory.

Elle - This post was actually supposed to be about me being horny as hell, but I got sidetracked kinda. Damn you for seeing through my shit!! Heffa.

Damon - I think we all have fallen victim at some point. Luckily I'm usually to broke to fall victim real often. *lol*

~Sunray~ - Now that is a DAMN shame. Lawd.

girlwonder - You reminded me that I've totally gotten behind with American Idol. Dommit! Anyhoo, I recognize that a lot of things of which I speak can be attributed human nature in general. However, I'm not worried about chez whitey/messican/insertethnicityhere's doings at the moment, because they're not the ones I feel are in a state of emergency.

I have to disagree on the blogger = writer thing. I've seen a lot of extremely well designed blogs that were obviously meant to show off Photoshop skill, but had some awesomely bad writing. I'm talking bout cringeworthy grammar and mechanics. Sorry, the editor in me won't let me bring myself to call some of these folks writers. I'd be doing y'all real writers a disservice if I did!

Afrochelle - I totally agree about the getting laid part. *sigh*

Your argument is valid, there's no doubt in my mind about that. As humans we want, not even knowing why we want and it's not limited to material posessions. Covetous behavior is translated in all facets of life. Intellectual worth, body image, upbrining, material possesssions and so on. Most times any type of aquisition is agitated by what we saw another had. How would you know to educated yourself in the manner in which you do if another had not done it before you? Life is a mimic. Maybe 1% are able to do what has never been done before. I don't think it's wrong to want. In life one has to want and it's ideal to always want something better than what was there before.

As Black Americans I think it is fundamental that we want something more than what we've had before. Having said that, the value that we place on what we have and the reason why we want what the things we want is of the upmost importance. Why don't we want to read more and make some concrete improvements in our communities? I think we really just do not know how or even believe it can be done. I'm in the trenches everyday and I certainly have my doubts, but then there are times when I see something beautiful and unexpected and it gives me a renewed hope and strengthens some of my personal missions.

Lisa, I know you know, after such a long time of not having anything we (as a people) would innately want to have *things* just to feel good about ourselves, for the purpose of worth. We (as a people- Black Americans- mind you) aren't versed enough to know that the acummulation of things means nothing and is of zero worth in the end. We don't know we're not suppose to live off of our principal, but rather our interest. How are we suppose to know that when most weren't taught? We are zombies walking around in our own dreams of what we imagine a priviledged life is instead of what it should be. I was blessed with a healthy mind from birth and knew I had some purpose to serve which would be exercised towards the advancement of my brothers and sisters. I share this vision just like my mother and my mother's mother and her mother. I also have some *things*... and that's okay because I deserve to have the best things and so does my daughter and so will my daughter's daughter. They will know that those *things* are nothing more than a minute extension of the real value of their being.

I really dig this post because I've wanted to spew in the same way... in fact I think I have. Lisa, you are really on a higher level of understanding than many and I know it breaks your heart to see such waste of mental talent and monetary resources. I know, but there are so many that are truly contributing in a wonderful way. I try to concentrate on that and build it up as much as I can. Keep the faith.

Boog - I'm glad you took the time to write that and share what you feel. I knew you would have something good to say. ;) I understand that so so many black people walk in ignorance. I've often said to myself, "Well, they don't know any better. How can they know?" But I get tired of making excuses for them. I get frustrated because there don't seem to be enough black people that KNOW BETTER. I get frustrated because some of the black folks that do know better don't feel responsibility to tell those that don't. I get frustrated because we have the tools and the knowledge at our disposal and more often than not, we don't use them. I see positive changes and I'm grateful for them. But it's not enough. I'm a demanding heffa. I want more, more, more!

And as for the accumulation of trinkets, baubles, and things...well, what can I say, I'm a socialist trapped in a capitalist's body! It's weird, as one would think that coming from the hood, I would be convinced that I need "things." But I just cannot get down like that, and I've always been that way. Labels mean little to me. I can't convince myself that more expensive = better quality. There is nothing wrong with wanting stuff; I want stuff too. It just happens to be a bit different from what mainstream America covets. Bottom line, I would like a lot of us to ask ourselves WHY we want these things. Yes we've been taught to revere affluence and wealth. But we can unteach ourselves, if we so choose.

Ok damn.. I don't even know how to properly comment because you know I refrain from gettin' all deep LeeeessseeeRRRRR.. But then again maybe part of me feels kinda stupid in commentin' because I happen to be a materialistic, spoiled rotten, trendy bitch who loves her some Coach and Louis Vuitton and who lives wellllll beyond her means.. *rotfl!!* But no seriously.. I feel you with this post.. And I understand the point you are expressin'.. I think GirlWonder said it best when she personally answered the question: "Why are we living beyond our means to convince others that we are indeed balling out of control? Really, who are we emulating?"... I am feelin' what she said.. But you know LeesseeeRRR.. you got me to thinkin' now.. I think I gotta write a post of my wown about this. My personal viewpoint on the matter.. *muah*

Tee - I agree with girlwonder, too. I think it's important to realize that the things we collect are not extensions of ourselves. As long as you know what the really real is, I can't fault you. Do you and love it!

But how many people do you know that fall into the trap of thinking their personal belongings should prove to the masses who they are and what they have? Those are the people that bother me. Those that seek validation from material possessions.

*sigh* I don't know. I'm somewhat idealistic and at times I just want us feel more responsible in general for each other, responsible for what we do, and what we project.

You get that one person telling you that you're cute, so you go take some cheap glamour shots, get a bootleg ass innanet "portfolio" and tell people you're a model. A couple of people tell you they like your blog and you go around telling people you're a writer. Someone likes your Photoshop fiddlings and you go around telling people you're a graphic designer.

Please tell me why I am dyin' laughin' at that.. I missed that in my initial readin'.. Now I know some peeple who fit within that description.. You said bootleg innanet portfolio.. I am so mad at choo! *dead!* Please girl get laid.. It does a body good.. *hehe* Let me see if my schedule is free.. I can come over and we can have a lesbeen session.. *kissies*

First of all, to Hell with everyone writing blog entries in your comments. LMAO!!

I feel like this everyday, and it's gotten so terrible that I talk bad about my own people on a daily basis. Dating, community, entertainment, everything. Someone is really going to have to put me in my place. We rant about our own out of love, but sometimes that love can only go so far before it's replaced with something more negative.

I think you were channeling me in this post. You are my motherfucking dawg, dawg...

I figured it referred to white folks, I was just wondering if there was a specific reason why.

Thanks for answering.

"I have to disagree on the blogger = writer thing. I've seen a lot of extremely well designed blogs that were obviously meant to show off Photoshop skill, but had some awesomely bad writing. I'm talking bout cringeworthy grammar and mechanics. Sorry, the editor in me won't let me bring myself to call some of these folks writers. I'd be doing y'all real writers a disservice if I did!"

okay i'ma have to give you that but really i think the majority of folks who we in this small community kind of all float around are fairly articulate. i'm not saying that there aren't any exceptions to the rule but i guess it just depends on what one defines a writer as being.

i slam forgot you were an editor, i'm gonna have to step my sentence structure pimp game up.

i just wanted to say i think it was really cool of you to take the time to stimulate all of us - something that we all really needed :)

Tee - Imma need for you to pencil me in!!

nOverrr - I wish I could channel you when I'm out in public. I've seen waaaay too many mofos that need a nOva-style dressing down!

Stefanie - No prob. It's just some lingo I picked up from listening to Outkast. *lol* Granted, it's no more appropriate to describe skin color than "black", but it works for me!

girlwonder - Girl don't be stepping up no sentence structure game. Iown een try to be grammatically correct 90% of the time when I write. But you're right, the writer thing is a matter of personal definition, and I'm probably a lot harder on people than most. I'm working on that...sorta.

okay, i'm straight trippin'... girlwonder suggested that i come over and read this... and my eyes are all big now...

seriously though, i HEAR you... i mean, i really HEAR what u're saying... and yet, i feel like there are always many different psychological aspects that go into why people do certain things that it makes some things permissible...

and it's the history behind the psyche that is irreversible... so, it is what it is...

people do dumb shit things to make themselves feel good about themselves... some times i feel like the end justifies the means even though it seems hella stupid to everyone else...

it's a coping mechanism...

personal survival...

moved too quickly...

wanna add, i'm feeling the post... as evidenced by the number of comments, it was something that need to be said and it seemed to have stirred up a heap of intellect...

okay... i swear that this is that last comment... u just got me all fired up...

i just want to add that we should not discount the fact that one man's louis vuitton could very well be another man's real estate property...

my grandfather used to go around buying up properties and renting them out... and he was very wealthy doing such... but his prized possessions were his portfolios and his long tenet list rather than the wonderful family that had... my mom's prized possessions, on the other hand, were her donna karan suits and matching handbags while my uncle's prized possessions were his billion dollar drums.... i think it just depends on who u are and what makes u happy... and happiness changes frequently... so it's the "in the moment" happiness that drives us...

and the funny thing about the Jones' is that... i swear, it's a Jones EVERYWHERE... it's some fly ones who always have their hair and nails done but don't have a cent in the bank... it's some that invest... it's some that don't pay their credit card bills and buy Coach bags... it's some that live pay check to pay check... it's some that own a ton of property...

it is what it is.... sometimes our id supercedes what we know we need to do... it just be's like that sometimes...

me 'cause i got coach, louis vuitton, and some more but i didn't purchase them myself :) but i don't think those make me the person i am.

but lisa some ppl can get blown up by what you put in their heads and that is a shame. we (blacks) should invest our money instead of wasting it.

very good post girl.

I've been guilty more than a few times of saying, "Hey, black folks just don't know any better." Or "Black folks are just doing what they've been conditioned to do." I think at this point we know better. The fact that we even realize there are deepseated underlying reasons for why we do the things we do means that we also have the power to change. I think we can do better. The history behind our actions means little to me at this point. To blame it on anything but personal choice is to use a crutch. It's the weakest kind of copout. I could pull a lot of bullshit and then blame it on my past or my ancestors' struggles, but I feel too responsible to do that.

"people do dumb shit things to make themselves feel good about themselves" Yes indeedy. But people can do good shit for others to make themselves feel good about themselves. Why in the hell don't we feel more responsible for each other? And that question is aimed at humans in general, not just black folks.

Like I said before, I'm not pointing fingers nor placing blame on any one person. I just happen to be at the stage in my life where I don't want to apathetic about a society I see deteriorating before my very eyes. I'm no longer content to just exist, accept, and deal with things as is. I need to know what it is I can DO, so that I alone can feel at peace with my role in all this. And one of the ways that I cope is by sharing these opinions with y'all.

This post was what I call one of my "selfish" ones, because I made no effort to curtail what I was going to say or truncate the length. I was actually surprised at the number of comments it got. Thanks to everyone that took the time to read and respond. :)

Dayum! Reading your comments is like babbling to myself! I hope you know there are so many people out there (yes, I'm assuming) that think the way you do, have beef with the same issues yet lack the testiculer fortitude to express themselves honestly. I commend you and yeah, you are a good writer despite not wanting to accept the compliment for fear of disillusioning oneself ;-)

L8A,
Mariam
aka PHO2O

22 comments later you get the *this shit was deep* and very eloquently put. I knew a girl that had some jacked up teeth, yet managed to be convinced by a "modeling company" that she was God's gift - hell God's only blessing on this pitiful earth. $750 later - she still can't even get her picture taken by this so called company. Just goes to show ... people believe anything they want to. tell em twice and they will kiss the ground you walk on.

Wow... Can I print this post out and hand it to some of my relatives, friends, and people on the street... We all need to wake up...

And I want also want to reiterate the financial advice of I-Boogie "We don't know we're not suppose to live off of our principal, but rather our interest."

In the words on Spike Lee... Wake up

yeah blame it all on me... funny .... ha ha

i just want to add that we should not discount the fact that one man's louis vuitton could very well be another man's real estate property

the problem with that is, well, a person who settles for a louis vuitton is selling themselves short. money can buy all kinds of things, but it is up to us to decide what is the most intelligent use of our money. the intelligent use of funds could create a tremendous change in the community. it would require again, accountabiility on the part of each of us, but think of what could be done. even if people simply invested more in themselves instead of in making other people richer with their label whoring, we could go a long way.

as for acquiring things being a survival mechanism, true survival means making the most of what you have and using your wits to make appropriate decisions. all too often do we see people with fucked up priorities feeding their materialism instead of their kids. people too often neglect their families trying to acquire things to make them happy, working so hard that when they finally work themselves to death, their loved ones dont have many memories to tie to them, just a lot of meaningless possessions. think about it -- would you rather have a life full and rich with experience, travel and memories of your time with loved ones -- or a louis vuitton bag?

yeah it is true many of us desire to have more than those before us and live comfortably, and there isnt a lot wrong with that if done well. but by not teaching future generations that things do not equal success, we are only going to end up with a bunch of people who grow up and STILL dont have anything, but dont even realize how much they never had.

as for the writer vs. blogger issue, let's just say that all of us can write, but not everyone writes well. a GOOD writer conveys a meaning deeper than the literal. they can control the reader with carefully chosen, skillfuly crafted words and events. a writer puts thought into each word and action, choosing what is the most effective way to get their message across.

a lot of bloggers i have seen are just like the hollywood majority -- they have a lot to say but really arent saying anything at all. plenty to say about themselves, but nothing much else to say about anything of importance. blogs and web sites are internet vanity plates. they give people who before the internet age would have had no voice or audience both things. problem is, most folks dont utilize their newfound voices to do much of anything. not saying people shouldnt write about what they want, but to call every blogger a writer is like calling everyone who owns frontpage a web designer, or everyone with a band aid a doctor. or even everyone with a brain a thinker. as someone who knows the passion i and others have for the written word, it borders upon insult to group us together with whose deepest thought is what they picked out to wear this morning...

there, that's about 10 dollars worth of my two cents.

again, i HEAR u...

and i see exactly what u're talking about everyday people with messed up priorities... i teach kids who wear $120.00 sneakers and don't own any books... we all watched kimora lee simmons show us her fabulous house on cribs, inclusive of versace's toilet, but her babies had no books in their bedroom...

i think the problem is that, and please forgive me for generalizing, people are by nature self serving... and it's really hard to get people to do the right thing when doing for yourself feels so much better...

but i think that the majority of us conquer our little battles and make progress in our own way... hell, this blog is progress... somewhere, some idiotic materialistic person is reading this thinking, "maybe i should learn more about investing... and maybe i should volunteer at the black ymca..."

and again, i hear u that people may be selling themselves short... but i just spent 13 hours in the hair salon with quite a few people who are comfortable in their ignorance...

ignorance can be blissful... to the ignorant... but it does annoy the hell out of the intelligent... but that's just the burden that the intellectuals carry... and please don't mistake this as a form of acquiescence, it's not... i fight battles everyday... but my energy is not in being angry about the idiosyncrasy of the lost ones... my energy is better used with the ones whom i encounter that i can assist to want better for themselves...

so start your army, lisa... i'm with you... and i am officially applying to be a lieutenant...

Not much to say that hasnt been said. Excellent post (cant call it a rant) that hopefully will spark more conversation and help the blind masses in cyberspace - and most importantly - real life -wake the fukc up.

wow..lisseeeerrrr i'm standing in line at walmart right behind you...lol..after reading rochelle's post then yours, there are at least 2 other people out there in this world with some sense. i just don't understand the whole label whoring thing. i mean i want to be tricked at least once by coach but not b/c its coach, b/c i love the their purses..but my point in commenting is that what you said was so true and so on point...we as a people could have sooo much more but yet we feeling the need to put our hard earned money into expensive material things, not just to please ourselves but to let erebody else want what we go. ya know lisserrre i always knew you were a smart cookie...lol...be blessed mah..

I'm all late and ish. *sigh*

"my Walmart shopping ass don't even know."

You too??? LOL.

btw, this is a very good entry.

Oh, Lise, this blog is so much more interesting than the other link you gave me!!!