Now I know why I tend to slack on the working out thing pretty often. That shit raises your libido by about 150%. That's the last thing I need right about now. Jack is on vacation and says he doesn't want to be bothered. So I gotz to sublimate all this energy into something else. *sigh*
How bout my knee STILL hurts from where I took a fall? Ain't that some bullchit? It tried to do some wishy washy wobbly mess on me while I was prancing around. I really need to go to the doctor, but I hate going to the doctor, with their poking prodding asses. I'm known for trying to let things work themselves out. Hopefully if I cracked something that shit will just heal itself. *crossing fingers and toes*
How many of you ladies have been the lucky recipient of an "I realize" speech? In case you weren't aware, the "I realize" speech is the speech an ex makes anywhere from six months to several years after a break up. For some insane reason, men feel the need to apologize for all past bitchery, acknowledge that you aren't all that bad a catch, and of course admit that they fucked up.
Various things my past nigras have "realized" about me:
Alas, when these poor dears make their speeches I AIN'T EEN TRYIN' TO HEAR IT! Shit, realize all that when I'm still around to give a fuck...dumbasses!
I think the only reason I'd ever get married is so I'd have someone to lotion my back after I get out of the tub. Other than that, I can't see the selling points of being legally bound.
You know what? Oftentimes, it seems that even the most understanding and open-minded person can't begin to really understand me. At times I get tired of having to explain myself. Why can't mufuckas just know shit? To a girl that has a lot of trouble showing emotion externally, ain't nothing worse than someone questioning why I'm being so "sweet", as if that shit is an anomaly. That's only the case in your head because you've made the mistake of thinking I'm a vituperative bitch 99.8% of the time.
I think it's all too easy to trap people within your own perceptions. You generate this persona for them and mentally encase them. So when they act out of the ordinary or what you perceive as outside the norm you don't know how to deal. Boxing people in with your behavioral expectations is pure folly. Take my blog for example. I think anybody would have to be a complete idiot to form a complete opinion of me as a person based simply on the words that I write here. Take the facets of my personality represented here and multiply that number by 23493840932482398123719 and you have me in a nutshell. I'm human. I'm complicated. I'm not this shallow two-dimensional person that you can have figured out simply from reading my archives. That is one of the reasons why I have a private journal; I can write what I think as well as feel and share that with those that I cyber luv, because I am comfortable enough to reveal parts of what lies beneath. I think humans in general are good for making assumptions, but that shit gets mighty irritating after a while.
A friend told me that people think I'm mean because I represent myself as such. Well that's fine, as I can be a right cantankerous heffa, but shouldn't said people have the wherewithal to know that I can't be mean or bitchy all the time? Just as I allow for the growth, change, and sheer fluctuations of mood in the people I know, I expect them to do the same for me. Don't interrogate me everytime I act out of what you consider to be the ordinary. That tends to have a backlash effect where I'm concerned, because explaining my behavior gets tiresome after a while. Eventually it becomes easier to act as what you perceive me to be simply because I don't want to have to validate every alternate emotion that I show. So if you think I'm a bitch then I shall continue to be an emotionless, sharp-tongued harpy since it obviously makes you more comfortable to think of me as such. In a way, I become trapped in your way of thinking about me. Make sense?
Anyway enough venting and rambling. Later gators.
Posted by Lisa at March 1, 2004 06:26 PM | TrackBackYou're one who lets things work on out.. I'm one of those two. Heck I had to do it this weekend. Aint seen a doctor in a long while (cries about lack of insurance) I had wicked non-pms related stomach and back pains all weekend. Had to just pray and let it work on out.
Total agreement on "i'm just acting how you painted me to be" I'm rather sick of the mean,tempermental, asshole, bitchy comments I get from my peeps. However when my other side shines through, they always got something to say. Why are you being so nice, thats not like you, where's the real Pam, is this a joke.
Kinda like Terri in barbershop 2. Get to the point where ya say screw tryinna be nice to your ass, I'll let ya have it, and you'll feel comfortable again. (which is a shame, cuz I can be really soft,sweet,and loveable)
Posted by: Pam - Reddy at March 2, 2004 12:57 AMMy ex-wife will NEVER get an "I realize" speech...She got it before I sent her on her way when I "realized" that she was an unforgiving evil bastard.
Posted by: MrNoGood at March 2, 2004 08:56 AMYou need to handle that knee. That's a part of the body that you'll need for the future. You have to take care of your limbs, eyes, and all vital organs. Everything else is replacable.
Yay! Out of 4 former relationships, I've gotten three I realize speeches! Then there is this last one that has moved to "don't call my black azz ever never again" ville. Oh, well. I can be very abrasive with men, but sweet as pie with women. I'm hard on men. I've never been called a bitch, just difficult. Are those the same thing now according to Webster's new edition? I have to be difficult, with no apologies. That's me. It shows me where their head is at. I love that I'm that way.
Posted by: I_boogie at March 2, 2004 11:12 AM2 out of 2 of my past serious relationships i got that "i realize" bullshita$$ speech. a day late and a dollar short. nukkas!
Posted by: pear at March 2, 2004 01:46 PMI feel you on the perceptions thing. I have known this one person since undergrad that does that to me all the time. The thing that annoys me is that she should know better, because I have known her for so long. I feel that my online crew gives me more credit sometimes that people who supposedly know me. Oh well, if they aren't smart enough to figure out that I am multi-dimensional, I won't be the one to tell them.
Posted by: Brick at March 2, 2004 11:51 PM